On the Eve of Returning

Here I am on the eve of returning. ‘Returning where?’ one might ask. Home, of course. But where is home? When you have two places you can call home, how can going home can be returning? Well, that’s how I feel this evening. I genuinely call both India, where I was born and brought up till 23 years old, and the United States, the place where I lived 48 years and became myself, as my homes.

This belonging, I sense, is beyond citizenship, nationalism, and patriotism. The forces of nativism in both places deny and refuse you to experience and enjoy the duality of belonging. For them, it is an either-or proposition.   Lately, the dominant group in both my home countries is asserting itself to be exclusive. The United States, known for so long as a country of immigrants, is now making laws and building walls, restricting immigration of people from certain countries. And India, with a long history of embracing world civilizations, is now turning inward and taking an antagonistic attitude towards secularism.

In spite of this nativism and exclusivism, in both places, there are communities that embrace secularism and diversity.  For them unity is not uniformity and diversity is not division. You don't have to let go of who you are to belong to such an all-embracing community.

Well, after six months of being in such a loving community, we are heading to our other home community in Phoenixville, United States. It is going to be different from before because now I am retired and not in charge of a church. I am open to God's guidance and direction as to how I can be useful and productive.

Suitcases are packed, our apartment is mothballed, goodbyes are said, and now we are on the way to Cochin airport to catch our flight to Doha and then to Philadelphia.  Look forward to writing my reflections about our stay in India in my next blog.       

Leaving Behind and Taking On

The year 2020 began for us rather imperceptibly.  The excitements we are used to in the US in embracing a new year were absent for us this year in Kottayam. Everything here is church-centered. As most of our friends and family flocked to their respective churches for long mid-night masses (3 to4 hours), we went to bed early to be awakened shortly by Manju from California (13.5 hours behind us) to wish us Indian Happy New Year. It took a while for us to go back to sleep because of the celebratory fireworks from different nearby homes. We woke up late on New Year’s Day, and then took part by Skype in the celebrations of our children who live time zones three hours apart in the US. We sipped the champagne vicariously and proverbially.  As usual, Ranjit took the role of the provocateur, by asking all of us in the family Whatsapp group, “What is everybody going to leave behind in 2019?” 

It got me thinking. What is of 2019 am I going to leave behind? Like it or not, 2019 is behind us. For Susan and me, 2019 was a year of many changes. Following my retirement from parish ministry, we put our house on the market, moved to India, and took a temporary residence in a flat in Kottayam. We experienced so much joy and love throughout in 2019, and we thank God.  In our new place, we made new friends and found new avenues for ministry.  We were inducted into the Senior Citizen’s Forum, a distinguished group of individuals, now retired from active vocations, but continue to be influential in society. Having re-established my relationship with the CMS College, my alma mater, the college asked me to serve as an English worship leader at the chapel on Mondays.  All of these are good.  One thing I leave behind is my disappointment over the denial of membership in a local Mar Thoma Church. It is hurtful for me not to be officially part of the church of my birth, baptism, and confirmation because I am an Episcopal Clergy.  How can I leave that behind knowing that both the Mar Thoma Church and the Episcopal Church, USA are in full communion since 1979? However, I must leave that behind and not let that bother me. 

On what is to leave behind, members of our family group identified fears, anxieties, negative thoughts. Procrastination, expectations, and of course, the proverbial pounds (bodyweight). It appears to me that ‘fear’ is the underlying cause, and the rest are just presenting symptoms. Fear prevents us from acting on God’s call to us.  God continues to push the envelope on us because God knows that we are capable of achieving more in life.  Gripped by fear, we procrastinate, develop negative thoughts, and justify that our expectations are too unrealistic.   However, Jesus continues to call us to live fearlessly and encourage us to dive deep into the depths of our existence. Let this prayer by Francis Drake be our prayer for the New Year,

“Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wilder seas, where storms will show your mastery, where losing sight of land we shall find the stars.”  

O God, as we set out on following your call this year, may we experience your peace and confidence throughout and may we never let our eyes from you. Amen.

Below are pics from Senior Citizens Forum Meeting, CMS College Chapel,and from being with friends.