A Post Covid Call for Action

 

 
After a hiatus of two and a half years, it is delightful to be back in Kerala and rejoin fellow members of the Senior Citizen's Forum in Kottayam, especially in time for Onam. When we left for the States last time, we planned to return in six months. But everything changed as our world came under the deathly grip of a once-in-a-hundred-year pandemic for over two years, curtailing much of human activity, sending people into isolation, and causing panic among the scientific community tasked with the control of diseases. We had to postpone our return to Kottayam till now. Fortunately for us, our unplanned time in the States turned out to be most productive as my bishop appointed me to be in charge of a church, a new mission to be engaged in, and a community to be with during the interim time. It proved to be meaningful and purposeful.
 
What we have been through during these last two years was traumatic. In the face of the fast and furious spreading of the virus, our defenses broke down. Neither the scientific prowess nor the economic advantage protected us from its naked onslaught. Though no one was spared from the pandemic, the poor and the seniors bore the brunt of it’s ill effects. While the poor suffered mainly from a lack of access to health care, the seniors suffered mostly from isolation and loneliness. As the members of the church that I was in charge of were primarily seniors, we were deathly (no pun intended) serious about following the Covid protocols. For quite a while, our services were on zoom. It was only towards the end of my short tenure that we met for in person Sunday services, and it was even later that I saw the faces of the people in the church without their masks for the first time.
 
John F. Kennedy famously said, "The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity". Now, having been in the belly of the beast for more than two years and come out alive, let us ask ourselves, what has our experience taught us? What new learning and knowledge have we gained in it’s wake? While our challenges, loss, uncertainty, and fear can be overwhelming, some parts of life still endure. Let us ask ourselves what we have discovered about life, ourselves, and humanity. What do we want to keep and treasure, and what do we want to throw overboard as we move forward? Our journey ahead will be qualitatively different if we reflect on our experience and meditate on some of these enduring questions.  
 

First Post Covid Gathering of Senior Citizen Forum 

As a clergy person, I needed to quickly adapt to the changing circumstances, not only with my personal and family life but also to navigate a new and unfamiliar church through uncharted territory and terrain. Caring for others often means not having enough energy or time to care for yourself or your family. Though on zoom, attending collegial gatherings twice a month and seeking monthly spiritual direction helped me cope with some of these challenges. To know that you're not alone in this struggle was very helpful. Though we often couldn't be at Senior Citizen's zoom gatherings due to time differences, the fact that they were happening showed our human instinct for community and connection. Hats off to P.I John sir for his leadership in keeping the forum going during the pandemic.  
 
Our attempts at being in community via zoom, though not ideal, was the best available mode of communication during the pandemic. It may have helped us ward off some of the ill effects of loneliness. According to neuroscientists, the loneliness we suffered from isolation, which we took as a protective measure during the pandemic, may have made us less resistant to it. They think, "The human brain, having evolved to seek safety in numbers, registers loneliness as a threat. The centers that monitor for danger, including the amygdala, go into overdrive, triggering a release of "fight or flight" stress hormones. Your heart rate rises, and your blood pressure and blood sugar level increase to provide energy in case you need it. Your body produces extra inflammatory cells to repair tissue damage, prevent infection, and fewer antibodies to fight viruses." People who too diligently followed the pandemic protocols subconsciously started to view others as potential threats and less as friends who could be an ally in overcoming their predicament. As pandemic restrictions are behind us and everyday life begins to return, we need to pay special attention to those among us who were severely impacted by the prolonged isolation and loneliness of the pandemic period.
 

Sitting Down for Onam Feast - A vegetarian Meal on Banana Leaf

The energy and enthusiasm we exhibited at our most recent gathering for the Onam celebration in Palai were tangible expressions of our deep desire for human connection and relationship. We, as social beings, require the company of others to not only survive but also to thrive. Seeking connections and making relationships with others are in our DNA. It was this fundamental human need that was we were denied during the epidemic. However, according to Dr. Vivek Murthy, the United States Surgeon General, even before the pandemic, the country (USA) was experiencing an "epidemic of loneliness" driven by the accelerated pace of life and the spread of technology into all sorts of our social interactions. What he said of the States could also be true for us in India. 

Given all that is going on right now in India, more specifically in Kerala – the corruption, communal strife, crime, opioid crisis, wretched conditions of infrastructure, public's disenchantment with the court and its sense of disempowerment, the spread of fake news over social media, and the docility of the print media, to name just a few – it would be a surprise if people are not driven to opt for social isolation. By the way, the Maveli Skit at our Onam talent show skillfully and artistically highlighted some of what ails us today.
 

Members of the Forum Participating in a Skit

Kerala has a rich history of correcting itself from waywardness and corruption to a path toward progress and human development. We, as enlightened people, cannot let the present cynicism and distrust strangle our hearts and hold us back from envisioning a future of shared power and development. We cannot remain on the sidelines, stay silent, or isolate ourselves, indulging in self-pity. We, the seniors with years of experience in a broad range of fields, need to show up more and more. By doing this we acknowledge our connection with one another and our commitment to the common good.  
 
May we find sufficient courage to come out of our self-imposed isolation and connect with others! May we have enough faith in ourselves and the divine to heed the call to make a difference in the world we exist in here and now!  

(Written for Elders' Voice, a monthly magazine for The Senior Citizen Forum, Kottayam)

A New Perspective on Baptism

Sunday, December 26, 2021, I baptized Kabir, my second grandson, in a home baptism. It took place in the living room of his parents' house with members of the families of both parents present and with extended family and friends from around the world participating on zoom. I had baptized Dhruv eight years back. During my priestly tenure, I have had the blessing of baptizing many children. But baptizing my grandchildren was quite special, especially knowing that my grandfather, a priest, baptized me many years ago. I thank God for my grandsons and the blessing I had in baptizing them.  

 

One of the readings at Kabir's baptism made me think of baptism in a new way. Baptism is probably the most practiced and misunderstood sacrament of the church. Very few parents who bring their infants to church for baptism properly understand the meaning or purpose of this sacrament. For many, it is a cultural or a traditional thing to do. For some, it is out of concern that the infant may not make it to heaven if not baptized before God forbid the child dies. Many who bring their children for baptism are not church regulars, and after baptism, we don't see them ever again. It is hard for parents not to have such notions when religion is thought of only in cultural terms. Though I am not convinced that my pre-baptism sessions with many parents make any dent in their understanding, I baptize their infants anyway. 

 

Understood or not, Baptism is the sacrament of initiation into the larger family of God, the church. Once baptized, you are no longer just a member of your family, related by blood; you are now also a member of a larger family, linked by the water of Baptism. Now the church has a claim on you, the baptized. Your child is no longer just yours. 

 

For those possessive of their children, letting go is a complex concept. The notion that your child now belongs to the world is thoughtfully sculpted in a statue of Mary and Child at a monastery in England. The observer sees Mary holding the infant in her hands in a way that she wants you, the observer, to have and hold if you desire. There is no possessiveness in Mary. Such an attitude of surrender is beautifully expressed in Kahlil Gibran's poem, "Your children are not yours." It was one of the readings at Kabir's Baptism. The poem reads, 

 

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet, they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. 

You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you. 

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. 

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. 

The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and bends you with might that the arrows may go swift and far. 

Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness; 

For even as the Archer loves the arrow that flies, 

so the Archer also loves the bow that is stable.

 

As I look back at my life, I recall the times I have been an arrow as my parents' son and a bow as the father of my children. Have I struggled to become an independent person and developed a separate identity from my parents? Yes, indeed, but that struggle itself served me to grow to be a stronger person. Have Susan, and I also struggled to let go of our children to be independent of us and the cultural, societal, and religious moorings of both the transplanted South Asian Community and the host community-at-large. Yes, I am sure. Yet, those struggles we went through and the resets we made along the way helped us grow to be better parents, 'stable bows and yet bending in the archer's hand.'

 

Today, I am blessed to serve DRPA (Desi Rainbow Parents and Allies) as a peer volunteer to help fellow South Asian parents of LGBTQ+ children become more open and accepting of their children when they come out. In the South Asian community, any deviation from culturally and religiously accepted norms would be devastating for parents who consider children their extensions, possessions, or prized trophies. Some South Asian immigrant parents of LGBTQ+ children think of themselves as a failure and are ashamed to be in a community with other parents of 'normal kids.' It is also equally hard for LGBTQ+ children. Not wanting to let down parents, these children suffer alone, hiding their sexuality and true identity from their parents. They become victims of their internal oppression. It is where the services provided by the DRPA become crucial. It offers opportunities for parents and children to understand each other and accept their proper roles as parents and children. As Kahlil Gibran's poem infers, both bow and arrow in the hands of an archer have essential but separate functions to accomplish. The Archer determines the arrow's path, not the bow. For the arrow to perform its role, the bow needs to bend while being stable in the hands of the Archer. 

 

Baptizing my Dhruv and Kabir into the larger family of God was a blessing for me as a priest and their grandfather. By bringing them for baptism, Ranjit and Johanna acknowledge that their children are not theirs but, as Kahlil Gibran says, 'life's longing for itself' (God). Mary's stretched-out hands, holding the baby facing us, the onlookers, is her acknowledgment that she was just a means to make incarnation possible. She was the bow in the hands of the Archer. When children come out as they are to us, it is a call for us to grow, to mature by staying in dialogue with them, and be willing to be pleasantly surprised by new perspectives and by whatever comes our way. Ultimately, we need to be seized by the knowledge that we are caretakers of children who are God's gifts to the world.