People ask me these days, “Koshy, what will you be doing after you retire?” I realize that I am not comfortably prepared to answer them. The change that awaits me is related to my personal identity. Who would I be if I am not a rector? A few years back one of our little ones seeing me one day outside the church whispered to her mother, “Mommy, Father Koshy has legs.” That was the first time she saw me without my Sunday morning garb which covers my body from neck to ankles. This little girl’s observation of my physical appearance is illustrative of my identity without the title of my occupation.
One thing I need to remind myself is that I will continue to be a priest, even after retirement as priesthood is my calling and it is for life. I should see my priesthood in retirement as an invitation to pay attention to see life as being, not as much as doing, which is the main concern up until retirement. How do I visualize my ‘being’ during my retirement days coming up in less than three months? As I look ahead, I feel quite vulnerable to what is unknown; it is going to be a time without any daily worship related tasks, pastoral visits with people, routine Eucharistic services or diocesan meetings. My days will be free of appointments and community involvement. Will I still get up early, what will I do all day? It is all going to feel strange and odd. Would this freedom from structured routines and tasks make my mind atrophy, and would I become irrelevant? I take comfort in the belief that just as God has been with me over these past years guiding me, he will guide me during my upcoming retirement years as well.
In a short time, as a church we will be experiencing separation and a new beginning. We live in a dynamic world which always challenges us with changes and provides us with opportunities for growth. Change is woven into the fabric of life, and the pattern for growth is Order, Disorder and Reorder. In this journey our present order undergoes disorder and comes out reordered. We continue to evolve through this unchanging pattern of change. I thank God for the time we journeyed together. We will continue on this journey though separately into the future God has already prepared for us.
April beckons us to follow through the rigors of what is left of the Lenten season, make our way through Holy Week and come out victorious on Easter. In this reenactment of the story of God’s redemption of God’s creation, we once again acknowledge the pattern of our life, the cycle of order, disorder and reorder.
I pray that our observances of Lent, Holy Week and Easter will help us grow spiritually into mature Christians.
May God bless us in our journey into God’s future for us!
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